A friend, Joe Neyer, died a year ago. Joe
was remarkable -- facing death straight on, always staying open to
living.
- Here's a fairly recent interview with him: http://www.earwolf.com/episode/fear-and-living-well/
- Here's an open letter he wrote to Brittany Maynard: http://america.aljazeera.com/watch/shows/america-tonight/articles/2014/10/30/a-letter-to-brittanymaynardtheresmorethantherighttodie.html
- Here's another interview about the Conversation Project https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=09w3Lv9QiR4&feature=youtu.be
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A nurse with fatal breast cancer says end-of-life discussions saved her life - The Washington Post
I think Joe has an overall positive and courageous attitude to say the least. It was interesting to read that he decided to stop the full treatment and try and live a quality life and that through that all he has actually beat the odds that were expected of him, which is quite amazing. I also liked when he said, "I can't live well today if I'm worried about dying tomorrow". I just found that that quote really pinpointed the aspect that in order to really start living our lives we need to stop worrying about death.
ReplyDeleteMy final words would be that I would tell all of my loved ones that I love them and to not worry about me because they will see me again. Legacy, memorial, obituary: that I was an overall good person that had an impact on people's lives. And that I lived a great life.
I've always liked the quote "live life to the fullest" so I can say that I try and live like that in my life. Also trying to be the best person that I can be too. Those are just some of the things that I'm doing right now in my life.
I feel Joe's death really opens your eyes on death. He stays positive through out the process. I feel his death draws on the importance of living, that if we always worry about death then when will we have time to live.
ReplyDeleteIm not quite sure what i would want my final words to be. I would want people to think of my life and see the good I have done. I would want my life to leave meaning in the world. I would want my final words to consists of something to do with my family and the people I love, to let them know how important they are and to help them cope.
I am always making sure that when I say good bye that i say i love you. I do this to know that if anything would happen before I see that person again then nothing negative was said. Also I try to be the best person I can be. I try to leave good everywhere I can. I also try to experience everything in life I can. I do not want to be dying and regret my life or feel I didn't get to live my life to the fullest.
I felt Joe’s attitude towards death was refreshing. He wanted to speak with Brittany not to down her decision to go forward with assisted suicide but rather to reason with her to just consider his outlook on life being in the same situation as her with a terminal illness diagnosis. I think the thing that stuck out to me the most about Joe’s outlook was that he put emphasis on not fearing death but he still chose to do anything and everything he could to focus on still living. He even went as far as to say that “staying alive” became his only job, he had no other obligations to attend to, no 9-5 to wake up for, just the task of waking up every day and staying alive despite the odds of a terminal illness. He shared an experience he had while visiting the Golden Gate Bridge, society would expect a terminally ill patient to feel sad over it possibly being the last time witnessing something like that; but joe laughed questioning if it really even mattered to him that much that it might be the last time he saw the Golden Gate Bridge. When I first read this it almost seemed as if he was in denial of his diagnosis but then when I thought about his outlook it made since, he may or may not ever see the bridge again based on how much longer he was going to make it but did it really matter in retrospect if he never did?? What he really just wanted to give Brittany was a “look at me defying the odds kind-of-hope” and that in itself is something to admire. As for what I would like my final word to be, I think that’s kind of a bizarre question, I don’t think that there is any one combination of sentences that could truly do a human soul justice in departure, in my opinion there is always more left to be said. And I think that I too would like to leave behind a legacy of fearlessness and hopefulness like Joe did with his perseverance.
ReplyDeleteI think Joe's attitude toward is comforting. Being able to look at someone who is facing a terminal illness but is able to see through all that and look at himself as a person who is still living rather than just dying is amazing. It gives me peace that dying doesn't have to be such a scary thing and that although it is inevitable, there is things you can do to make your life have the best quality while you are still here. I think that it was amazing how Joe was not trying to change Brittney's mind and wasn't criticizing her for her decision. He even said that he thinks it is great that that is an option for people. All he wanted to do was to make sure she knew she could fight and live a quality life of what she has left and possibly beat the odds. The part Joe said about he cant live well today if he is worried about dying tomorrow. That part really hit me. That is true for those of us who aren't facing a terminal illness. We cant hold back from today because we are scared of the consequences.
ReplyDeleteFor my final words, I would want my family and friends to know that I love them and that they are the reason that I am who I am today and I could not do it without them. I would tell them to not be afraid of what comes next because I know that I am going to a better place and that I will see them again someday. I would tell them to live each day as if there was no tomorrow because tomorrow is never certain. I would tell them to not mourn over my death but celebrate the life I have lived because I have no regrets. I would want to leave behind the idea that death isn't the end. I would want to be remembered as their daughter, sister, cousin, friend who wasn't scared of death and was the one who lived their life in a way that no regrets were ever made. I would always want to be rememebered as the one who wasn't afraid to take chances or risk everything for something I love.
In his last months of life, Joe is so open and extroverted, easily able to talk about his condition and tumor in his brain. He even made the decision to stop chemo and let life takes its course. He knows his body will stop working and realizes there is nothing he can do so he laughs about it. He finds humor in it, a way to smile. Its a very touching and emotional story. He lives with no regrets and no remorse about getting off chemo. Quality was more important that quantity to him. He is okay with his choice. Joe's attitude is incredible and it makes me happy how he handled everything and the diagnosis and prognosis. He is a happy, smiling and comedic man who has lived a happy life. I just want to be known as the man who helped everyone he could, always had a smile on his face and always had his door open to talk too. I want to be remembered as funny, and an all inclusive person who lived a fun and energetic life. Now, I am taking the time to say hi to everyone, participate in once in a lifetime mission trips, and telling my family I love them and catching up with all my friends. I am just living my life to the fullest, well trying too.
ReplyDeleteI think Joe has a positive attitude overall and is extremely brave. He has a strong mentality to say fear is not going to run its coarse on me. He admits that it is scary and he could die tomorrow but he is alive today and if he is worrying about dying tomorrow how is he going to live well today. His attitude is inspiring honestly, to be in the face of death but be so strong as to not let it control you and fight and live your life to the fullest no matter the prognosis. I admire him for that. He has a great attitude and if everyone who was seriously ill had that attitude, people might grasp what is happening better and start living in the moment, even people who aren't ill should have that attitude. I would like my final words to be to my loved ones, telling them how much I love them and not to worry because I am in a better place, with welcoming arms of passed loved ones, and they will see me again. Before I die I want my loved ones to know exactly how I feel about them as well. For my legacy, memorial and obituary, I would like to be remembered as a good person, who did everything she could to help others and be there for the one she loved, who was fun and who will be greatly missed and remembered. What I am doing now is trying to be the best person I can be, to make memories and live life to the fullest, I like to think I am living my life to the fullest although sometimes I know I am not. I am trying to build a amazing life, something that will be remembered and to be someone who will be missed.
ReplyDeleteI really admire Joe for the strength, positivity, and courage he had when facing his illness. He did not let his illness define him or limit him. He looked death in the eye, acknowledged that he knew he would die, but chose to live and take every last moment in to create memories for himself and his loved ones.
ReplyDeleteHe chose to stop chemo, because he knew the gain of chemo was not worth the harm it did to him, which made him even more sick and prevented him from doing the hobbies he loved and being present in his family's life. Joe made the conscious decision to want to stay at home, if his illness created problems that need hospital attention. If he was going to die, he wanted to die surrounded by his family, in the comfort of his own home.
In the YouTube interview, Joe said that people will say to him "Why aren't you doing everything you can?" and Joe responded that he is doing everything he can that has the best outcome for himself and his family. Everyone has different views on 'End of Life' decisions and people should respect the wishes of the individual. But this means that more conversations about end of life treatment needs to be had, before situations arise where the patient cannot clearly express what they want. Sometimes forced treatment does more harm then good. Sometimes this treatment can also save the patient's life. This decision does have its "what if" questions, but the wishes of the individual should be honored, regardless.
I have thought about what I want my funeral to be like and I know that I do not want a traditional, dark and grieving funeral. I do not want my family to say goodbye to me in such a depressing way. I want the last goodbye to be "as lively as possible" (how ironic). In the movie "P.S. I Love You", the main character's husband dies suddenly of a brain tumor. At his funeral, he requested that his favorite song be played, which is a hilariously absurd and crude song, and all his loved ones go up and take a shot in his honor. Everyone is crying and laughing and remembering him as being a goofball. And that is how I want my funeral to be. I want people to share funny stories about me and to laugh and find comfort in the fact that I don't want to be mourned over. If I was dying from an illness, I would like to prepare letters to my immediate family members and close friends that they can read when I am gone. I would just let them know how thankful I was to have them apart of my life.
I think Joe's attitude about death is so inspiring, he is very positive and brave about his situation. Joe definitely did not let his illness consume him, he accepted it and chose to make the most of the time he had left with his loved ones. I could not agree more with the quote that Joe said "I can't live well today if I'm worried about dying tomorrow". I think this is so true, while death is very hard to accept, you can't enjoy life if you're in constant fear of death.
ReplyDeleteFor my final words, I think there is so much to be said and it would be hard to get everything I wanted to say out. But first of all, I would want my loved ones to know how much I care about them and love them. I would want those close to me to know how much I appreciated them being apart of my life. Also, I think I would try to forgive and make amends with the people I had issues with if I was given the opportunity. I would want people to not be sad when they think about my death, but to be happy and celebrate the life I lived. I want them to think about all the memories we had and to cherish those memories. I also am hopeful that people will remember me as someone who wasn’t fearful and just someone who loved life and was happy.
To bring that about now, I just try to live life to the fullest and try new things. I also try to be the best person I can possibly be and give to others as much as possible. I always try to see the good in situations and I think that is very important. I also try to just genuinely enjoy life, and try not to take it for granted because tomorrow is never promised.
I really liked Joe’s letter to Brittany Maynard. I liked how he talked about how even though the doctors say that it is incurable it might not actually be the case. It is just like him with the glioblastoma. He said that he never knows when he is going to die but that shouldn’t stop him from living. He was told that he only had weeks to live and that was over a year ago. He realized that he had a right to live and that he could accept his condition and still accept being alive and living as well as he could. With the acceptance he began to see positive effects in his condition. He is defying all the odds and expectations. I found his story to be very inspiring. Doctors don’t know the exact day someone is going to die or how much time the person actually has. Doctors are making an estimate but they don’t actually know for sure when someone is going to die. My grandpa was told that he had about 3-5 years to live and that was almost 15 years ago and he is still alive. People don’t know when they are going to die. that’s why I liked how he talked about having the right to live and living every day to the fullest.
ReplyDeleteI think overall Joe has a positive and brave attitude about him- it was not what I was expecting. I really liked how he emphasized not fearing death and putting all focus on living the life you have- which he called his “job”. His view was really eye opening regarding death.
ReplyDeleteI honestly don’t know what I would want my last words to be, it’s kind of a weird thing to think about. I feel like any last words are never enough, there is always more to say or something different. The spontaneity of last words are kind of amazing in my opinion- they aren’t planned, they’re just a part of everyday life, even if it’s the end. Ideally I would want my final words to be towards my family. As far as a legacy goes, I would want to leave behind a good life for my family to be proud of and that I left some kind of impact.
I strongly believe in living life to the fullest and never looking back- and that’s how I live my life. I don’t hold myself back and I stand by my opinions. I try to be the best person I can be and make my family proud. I work hard every day to give myself a good future.
I like joe's attitude and find it inspiring to see someone be so brave going through that. My finally memory I want on my obituary is how much love I have for my family and friends. I try to let my family know now how much that they mean to me.
ReplyDeleteI think that Joe's attitude about his death was final. He knew what was to come and was very specific in the plan he had for the rest of his time. He didn't want to be crippled by the medicine that was suppose to elongate his life, he wanted to have a higher quality until he was finished. I honestly don't know what I would want as my final words. I hope that I have made an impact on the world around me by the time that I die and I am trying to live a meaningful life that will help me achieve this.
ReplyDeleteI think Joe's attitude, and Amy's, are very admirable. Both of them faced situations that most would crumble in. Joe's choice to live life to the fullest in the given time he has left is what I wish I would be able to do if this sort of scenario ever presented itself in my life. I think the interview with Amy was interesting, especially when she spoke with one doctor for her second opinion. This doctor was an expert and only offered her one treatment plan and didn't ask about her wishes or goals at all. That shocked me for someone who is supposed to be an expert, the best of the best, and he didn't consider her quality of life when discussing her options.
ReplyDeleteIve never really thought about what my finals words are going to be and I don't really want to plan something like that. I'd rather that be more of a spur of the moment kind of thing. I hope my legacy is a good one. I hope I am remembered as a good person ad a role model for some. Being remembered in general is better than some people get. I also have never thought about what my obituary is going to say either. I feel like that's something I would want someone else to write for me. Also what it says doesn't really matter to me because I'll be dead and can't do anything about it anyway. People are going to remember you however they want and I don't think an obituary can change that.
What do you think about Joe's attitude? What do you want for your final words, legacy, memorial, obituary? What are you doing now to bring that about?
ReplyDeleteJoe's attitude towards his incurable disease glioblastoma is unbelievable. After hearing he was diagnosed with this disease and only given the option of living for 14 months made him realize that its not your given a time to live but in other words given the time to live and fulfill the rest of your life. After reading the open letter he wrote to a patient who has the same condition as he does named Brittney, it made me realize how precious and rewarding life actually is. Brittney who has the same disease as Joe, is facing a very crucial time in her life. She at a breaking point where she is ready to give up and die. This news of giving up broke national news so it was Joe's right to step in and give her some advice as far as not giving up. Starting with him explaining his situation and how far hes come after only given two months to live is incredible. He has now lives for an exceptional 2 years and counting even though his disease still has an effect on him. I'm sure this opened the eyes of Brittney but not only to her but to many others.
Before dying i hope to leave behind a legacy of people who were very proud and honored to have known me. Do i have to be this great big guy wanting a bunch of attention, no. I would want to know that my family loves me and hope they would think that i was the greatest man possible for them in everything i did in life. I want them to be happy with everything they choose to in life because hopefully i lead everyone around me to think of me as a happy, caring father and husband.
What im doing now is making myself more successful than what i did in the previous day. That includes surrounding myself with nothing but positivity and generally making people happy. When people around me are filled with so am i so the measurement made in the future are beyond my imagination. The future can hold great things for you if you follow the path of wanting success and fulfilling a life of happiness.